fifteen,
i found him with translucent skin, blue eyes brimming with salty grief.
i dove headfirst into him,
an abyss in which he drowned me,
both of us eager and desperate and lonely.
i clung to him
while he clung to his illness,
his favorite excuse.

he left me paralyzed,
fraught with fear
riddled with bitterness,
the poison of which remained, for years, on my tongue
and in my voice.

—————————————————————-

just before sixteen,
a set of brown eyes came into focus,
fixing on frailty, set to devour discarded prey.
he carelessly consumed me,
limb by limb by limb,
releasing the sickness of his daddy’s fists
he’d grown up hiding from,
that had always managed to find him
before exhausting themselves on the sacrificial lamb he still, at 17, called mommy.

he left me a broken doll,
useless, used up plastic limbs smeared with cosmetics
that failed to hide the fear and self-loathing.
he left me,
nineteen and bruised by the ring he gave to someone else.

————————————————————————————

and she found me
or i found her
or we found each other.
she picked up each piece,
engaged in the painstaking process of reassembly
and told me i deserved to be loved.

my little plastic heart started beating,

you left me.
the cancer of your job crept in
and exhausted the both of us.

i am angry.
i am tired.
i am heartbroken.

but i am grateful;
for you found a bitter, broken doll
and left a living, breathing girl. 

3 Notes/ Hide

  1. leavethedishes said: Thank you
  2. linneaclare posted this